I’ve always hated taking pictures, and I’ve made every effort to avoid being photographed for most of my life. So I knew it would be challenging when I decided to do a pinup/boudoir photo shoot for my husband’s birthday — well, partly for my husband’s birthday and partly as another step toward accepting my body.
As soon as I had my LivingSocial voucher, I immediately started coming up with reasons to postpone my appointment. I figured I really should work out more, color my hair, and so on and so on. And one day it dawned on me that if I waited until I looked perfect, or even perfectly acceptable in my own very harsh mind, I would never do it. So I booked my appointment, packed a bag full of lingerie and one beautiful swimsuit from Pinup Girl Clothing, and was on my way, flaws and all.
Fortunately for me my makeup artist/hairstylist/photographer, Glam Gal Maxwell, was very kind and patient. She could see I was seriously uncomfortable, and she tried very hard to coach me through some poses which I could barely attempt and even harder to get me to relax.
I’m embarrassed to admit I didn’t have the courage to take my swimsuit shoot across the street to the beach for what could’ve been a very cool picture, but I was already so uncomfortable I thought my head might explode if I pushed myself any further.
When it was over with I had a few hundred pictures, some of which were ruined because I looked like I was physically in pain, but here and there I got to find little things I could not only accept but maybe even begin to celebrate about my own fabulous, flawed body.
After a few months of trying desperately to keep the experience from my husband, his birthday finally rolled around, and I presented him with a whole book of photos. I filled the first half with the swimsuit pictures, then watched in amusement when he turned the page and found the lingerie shots.
In case you were wondering, his response to his present was an enthusiastic, “Shut up!”
Although the photos weren’t “perfect,” I had done something I’d always wanted to, for myself and for my husband. And that alone was worth celebrating.